12:45 AM: Bands that aren't as cool as you've been led to believe.

There are a lot of good bands out there making kick ass music in the new millenium, if you look hard enough. There's also A LOT of shitty bands out there. The worst however, are those bands that lie somewhere in the middle, yet get hailed as great, because they remain in relative obscurity. Sure, it's eary to rag on Good Charlotte, but how many times have you assumed a band was good before you've heard any of their music? Here and now, I will attempt to do my part to dispel some of the myths surrounding these bands:


Every loner in existance claims these guys are the gods of punk, but the truth is, they are just one of the better pop-punk bands out there. Everyone assumes they are badass, based solely on the fact that they see the name ironed on to some goth's backpack, and have never heard any of their songs on the radio. Just listen to one of their "classic" songs, "don't call me white." This song, cited as the bands best by some fans, fails to distinguish the bands sound and musical prowess from bands such as post dude ranch blink 182, something corportate, or a simple plan. Avoid this band at all cost, unless of course you're one of the many people that actually enjoy pop-punk music: Mary Clark, that other girl. Well, that's it, I guess. Yeah, just avoid them.

2. Pennywise

Oh yeah! Fuck Authority! Pennywise is da shizznit 2 da max mo fucka! No, no they're not. Naming a song about being there for your dead friends (Bro Hymn, their best known song) and covering Beach Boys and Simon and Garfunkel songs to fill track slots on your album isn't badass, or a good career choice. There's a reason Pennywise is relatively unknown. Sorry, but Pennywise just loses the game of life time and time again. Checkmate.

3. MOE.

I still can't figure out why Wildman Steve is so rabid about this band. They're your average jam band, and show little in the way of ingenuity and crossover appeal, which even bands like phish and the grateful dead (two bands that I just don't like for one reason or another) have accomplished. MOE just sucks.

4. Tool

Everyone seems to like Tool, for no particular reason. They are mallcore 2 da extreme, and spend way too much time writing cryptic lyrics and not enough time writing quality music to back said lyrics. Just try to sit through Lateralus...it's damn near impossible. Maynard is a good stage performer though, at least. That's the only thing that keeps this band slightly above average: their epic live shows. Their actual music, however, sucks.

So next time you're trying to impress your friends by dishing on Avril Lavigne or DMB, namedrop these crappy bands instead, and either become instantly respected or hated by your cool or retarded friends. Or just by the new Coldplay or Radiohead CD, and bypass all the negativity altogether.

The power is YOURS!