9:13 AM: Social Razdow.

Ok, since I'm really really bored here in first period (media aide), I'm going to show how easy it is to make a random, unfunny, razdow post. keep in mind, i'm trying to sound like rivers here, not trying to be funny, and I'm going to try to do this in under 5 minutes. the current time is 9:03. wish me luck:

so i was sitting in class telling macho man randy savage how much I hate mexicans, and then this giant bear came up to me and said, "have you seen my collar? I lost it when i was giving CPR to that barrel." i calmly replied, "is this it?" holding up a bright yellow and maroon 23 inch length of high strength cord. the bear said, "oh my that is it, thank you metabolife" and do you know what i said back? i said, "next time your wife and you are building a nest way up in one of those lush suroo trees, invite me over and i'll bring some cheap champagne and buttery crackers and we will have a grand ole time." the bear then said, "only if you are capable of defeating me in a no-holds-barred basketball tourney for the love and compassion of several casually dressed storks and antelopes." me being the competition fiend that i am, i struck back with this remark, "you got yourself a deal mr. mephelon." so its game time and the bear is wearing his nicest suit and tie and im just in my best sunday dress, boy did i feel underdressed. anyways, we start the war that is the baseball match, and after 7 touchdowns and a hat trick i was leading the bear, but only by a little. there were 39 seconds left and i had 6 downs left, so in a desperate attempt to crush my foe, i took a hook shot and the puck landed 33 inches away from the hole. i saw my opponent slide tackling my cohorts, so i rushed in and kicked the ball right into the basket. i had won the game, 5 to el gato. a few weeks later the bear sent me an email saying that their nest was ready, so i got my cheap merlot wine and my saltine crackers and stroller over to their apartment. unknown to me, they had a plan to steal my first born, Solomon. i walk in and they unleash a barrage of bullets, knive, and soft-boiled eggs. i was caught by surprise and i had to surrender(how did they know my undying fear of soft boiled eggs?). they stole my Solomon and they cooked him into a nice quiche, and i must say, it was quite the quiche. i left the bear's humble abode, and on my way home i was struck dead by a train and then the football team won. then i killed some poor people. the end.

See? random humor just isn't very funny unless it's done well. 8 minutes...not too shabby. remember this the next time you're about to go to razdow...as sir francis bacon says, don't kick a dead horse. looks like we're too late for that. the world's largest necrophiliac, rivers, has already had his way with said horse many, many times. die.