9:19 PM: My dreamgirl has a name.

Meet Ellen Feiss, of Apple's 'make the switch' ad campaign fame:

What a woman. Read her testimonial, and try not to fall in love:

I’m writing to share a tragic little story.

My Dad has a PC that my sister and I used to use for our homework assignments. One night, I was writing a paper on it, when all of a sudden it went berserk, the screen started flashing, and the whole paper just disappeared. All of it. And it was a good paper! I had to cram and rewrite it really quickly. Needless to say, my rushed paper wasn’t nearly as good, and I blame that PC for the grade I got.

I’m happy to report that my sister and I now share an Apple PowerBook. It’s a lot nicer to work on than my dad’s PC was, it hasn’t let me down once, and my grades have all been really good.

Thanks, Apple.

Ellen Feiss

You may wonder why, if I've been in love with this girl for so long, why I chose to come out with it now. I'll tell you why...a few of my friends saw my wallpaper yesterday, and I had to explain why, instead of some playboy or maxim model, i had a picture of a zipper-sweatshirt thingy clad college student who looks a bit like a heroin addict as my wallpaper.

The answer is simple...I feel like I actually have a chance with this girl. She's beautiful, but in an awkward way...look:

you usually only see a girl that looks like that after she's had one too many at the cliche high school party. She looks like she's going to be up for any suggestion, idea, or course of action, 24/7, rain or snow or sleet or plague.

At this point, you probably think that I'm joking, that I'm trying to be sarcastic and make you laugh, and failing. I assure you though, that I am not.

I'm in love with Ellen Feiss, and have been for over a year. Ellen, if you're out there, come to me. My IM is SARLIK, and my phone number is listed. I look forward to seeing you, and I hope that maybe, someday, we can meet face to face.


Maybe this can secure a prom date for me...Ellen, if you come to visit, I'll even pay for your airfare down here. I have connections, and can support both of us, if you choose to stay. My mom let's me live with her, rent free.

...I Love You.