11:20 PM: Album reviews in 25 words or less. Usually less. And in one review, more.

Metallica-St. Anger

"It is a tale told by a fool, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing"

Outkast-Speakerboxx/The Love Below

The best rap album in the last five years.

Kanye West-The College Dropout

The best rap album in the last...three months. Damn you, Outkast!

Joy Division-Closer

The most overrated-but-still-really-good album of all time? No, that'd be...

The Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers

Since when do three great songs and some filler make an album an all-time classic?

Maroon 5-Songs About Jane

The very best CD I'm ashamed of listening to.

Smashing Pumpkins-Siamese Dream

...What happened? 'The killer in me is the killer in you...' (the first questionable lyric by billy corgan, but most definitely not the last).

Basemant Jaxx-Kish Kash

This is what all music will sound like when Britian finally takes over the world.

String Cheese Incident-Untying the Knot

Why do jam bands even bother making studio CD's? I'm sure this CD sucks.


This album is why Rivers Cuomo was put on this planet.

Ben Folds Five-Ben Folds Five

The easiest way to get into a college girl's pants in 60 minutes or less.

Dave Matthews Band-Under The Table and Dreaming

The second easiest way to get into a girls pants in 60 minutes or less.

Elefant-Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid

PSA: Please, listen to this band before MTV gets a hold of them. It won't be long...

The Unicorns-Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?

This was my favorite CD of the year until Trent listened to it non-stop for a month.

The Flaming Lips-The Soft Bulletin

The one CD that I would force every person to own if I ruled the world. At the very least, download 'the spark that bled.'

Neil Young-On the Beach

One of many CDs I always say I want, but probably will never actually buy. Maybe someone can burn me a copy? (please?)

Death Cab For Cutie-We Have the Facts and We're Voting Yes

The most unexplainably intriguing albums I've ever come across. Don't you want to know what the story is behind the cover? This kid says yes.

Simple Plan-(something about testicles)

AMG gave this CD 4 out of 5 stars. That's about 7 stars too many.

Lenny Kravitz-Lenny

Did anyone ever give a shit about Lenny Kravitz?

Sheryl Crow-C'mon C'mon

I'd listen to this CD before reviewing it, but I just checked, and I still don't have a vagina. So, I'll just assume it sucks.

Beck-Midnight Vultures

Does anyone remember rocking out to this album back in '99? I heard 'sexx laws' today, and it brought back some great 8th grade memories (memories of the two days in junior high that didn't suck).

The Smiths-Louder Than Bombs

The most pussy album I own. The Moz will rise again (with the producer of the last two blink 182 albums...what the fuck?)!