9:11 PM: You're Pathetic: Pt. 1

Meet Torontocharm:



I found this poor old man on accident. I was googling for something a few weeks ago, and somehow came across a Canadian dating service. It's been pretty much accepted for years that Canadians are smarter than Americans. This website challenges that notion:

Campus Kiss

Just so you can see how unbelievably shitty these people are, I'll give you a few excerpts from our friend torontocharm's profile. I replaced his answers with what his answers would be, if he were being completely honest:

Looking to find the woman who is tired of games!

411: Toronto, Ontario Canada
Stats: 36-year-old single male
Seeking: women for anything
Last On: Sep-13-04 6:30 PM

This guy is 36 years old, and he's using a dating service for college students. He's seeking "women for anything." These should be your first two clues that something's not right.

Witty Words


I am a easy going guy who is trying this out to find a woman who loves to be treated as a woman should be! I AM a tremendous cook along with being a amazing cuddler but also can make anyone laugh and not just once. I live and work downtown Toronto and love to do anything once and who knows maybe many more times.. I love to travel and also will treat a woman like she has never been treated !!

Awww...he IS a tremendous cook and he loves to cuddle! He must be a keeper. Oooh...he loves to do anything once and--who knows!?--mabye many more times.

He says twice that he will treat a woman like she has never been treated. This probably sounds nice if you're a girl, but remember...most women have never been raped before.

Serious Stuff



WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A PARTNER?

Looking for someone who is funny, spontaneous smart sexy and she must have great curves!

An easy target, young, stupid, impressionable, and she must have a vagina!

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT FIRST DATE

I cook a nice meal with wine and some candles and some music and go for a walk after followed by some dancing and maybe a late night drink


I get you drunk, and I rape you. You don't press charges, because I will have murdered you by the time the date is over.

I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT

kissing and more kissing


Raping and more raping

Useless Stuff



MY THERAPIST DESCRIBES MY PERSONALITY(S) AS

funny easy going relaxed spontaneous and mellow


Boring, tense, annoying, and self-concious

A LOVER ONCE DESCRIBED MY LOOKS AS

SEXYYYYYYYY

I rape people for a living. My lovers don't get to have opinions.

TO GET MY LOVER HOT, I

love to tease kiss and nibble and then lick very slowly


Heat up peices of her flesh on my George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine. Lol jkz!! I don't own a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine

TO SATISFY MY CRAVINGS, MY LOVER MUST

love to kiss cuddle massage enjoy being pampered


Be dead or unconcious.

Personality



ACTIVITIES

Dancing, OutDoor Fun, Party, Sports, Travel



Rape, murder, eat flesh, practice my alibi in the mirror, stalk 14 year old girls

CARTOON I RESEMBLE

Bugs bany



Media Stuff



ON THE CAN, I READ

magazines

I refuse to read. Because I can't.

MY DVD IS USUALLY SPINNING

porn

That sounds about right

MY JUKEBOX BEATS TO THE SOUND OF

r and b

Yeah, that's lame enough to be accurate.

Roots: White

Spirit: Christian

I rape and eat christians, mainly.

Longitude: Average

I'm ugly

Latitude: Built

I'm fat

Offspring: None

I'm bald

Job: Sales

I'm unemployed

Insight: Univ/College Grad.

I attended Toronto State Community College for a semester


Do you know of any pathetic people? If so, e-mail their resume to me at sarlik@gmail.com , and I just might showcase them in one of my upcoming posts.